I would like to remember a few more memorable patients that I've had, but it would be a heavy read, so I'm gonna talk about something else instead.

I've got two new additions in my tank!

Flame Angel: An angelfish which I hope does not get aggressive as it matures!


Sixline Wrasse: Love wrasses cos of their colour, but they do not tolerate their own species if the tank is small, which mine indeed is. So I chose this sixline one. Can't have one more! =/


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Dear Chester,

You first came to us as a 14 year old. Recumbent, unable to move, eat and even control your poop. Not a dry eye was in the consult room as the doctor told your family that your prognosis was gonna be a grave one, consisting of organ failures and cancers.

"She's gonna die, you know"

But yet you hung on. Stubbornly refusing any food, until we had to syringe-feed you. You made no fuss when we made one out of you, cleaning you up when you soiled yourself and the bed. Your mum came by everyday with plenty of hope and love, and chicken soup. You never made a sound.

I also did my first blood withdrawal from your hind leg, and you were kind and patient enough to let me do it without giving me a hard time. I fed you, cleaned your mouth and mess, gave you hot water bottles and a lot of injections.

But you were just lying there, weak. Life was ebbing out of you day by day, and we all prayed for you. Our doctors did everything they could, everything that we could and couldn't think of. One day, we decided that there was nothing more we could do. Your little Cavalier King Charles' body decided that enough was enough, your organs agreed that it was time to take a rest forever.

We decided that it was time for you. To go home, to rest forever too.

And so we called your family, that you will be discharged tomorrow.

Tomorrow came and as I was at the punch-card machine, I heard barking. I ran to the ICU ward where you were, and saw you sitting up, yelping as loudly as you could. There was an expression on your face that I did not recognise as I had grown accustomed to the listless look that came with you on the first day you got admitted. I was hoping that this was a good sign though in my heart I feared otherwise.

Mum came by. She and I had become friends during the period of your hospitalisation. And today, she brought all the other family members who did not come before, as well as the brightest smile she had stored within her, one which I never saw before. Hope and joy were radiating throughout the hospital as she went in to your barking, which you stopped immediately upon seeing her. You were still sitting up, and for the first time, your tail wagged a few slow strokes, your head bowed to receive her attention, and you calmed down. I took out all the tubes and catheters out from you body, and gave you a kiss on the head. The pungent smell of rotting flesh pervading my nostrils as I put my head into the cage. Something told me I might not see you again, alive.

Mum put you in a little wicker basket lined with towels for comfort, thanked me profusely, and left for home, a place which I knew you wanted to go back to.

An hour later, the phone rang.

Mum was crying, I could hear wailing voices in the background.

"Chester is not breathing. I think she is not breathing anymore! We're bringing her back!"

The receptionist told us this, and my heart tightened. Doctor told me to take everything we need for an emergency resuscitation -- laryngoscopes, endotracheal tubes, adrenaline syringes, ambu-bags.. I rushed about to get all this done, but I know that you would not want to be saved. After all, you had wanted this for a long time coming.

20 minutes later, Mum and your 2 aunts came running. We saw them from a distance, with the wicker basket in which you lay. In they came, still crying, while we took over the basket. I sneaked a peek at you and there you were, eyes lifeless, tongue and gums blue. There were no signs of breathing.

In the treatment room where all the equipment were prepared, we took you out of the basket. As your family sobbed and waited anxiously outside, shouting for you to "be strong! Hang on!", we put a tube down your throat, which was hard cos your jaw has already stiffened, and helped you to breathe, while the doctor pumped your heart.

After 10 minutes, we stopped. You were gone. Long ago, in fact. I looked back.

"Oh no, oh noooo," mum cautioned.

The doctor went out. I rested my eyes on your lifeless ones again. I heard talking, but I couldn't make out the words. And wailing ensued.

"Chesterrrrr!"
"Chesterrrr.. wake up! Don't play already!"
"Ya Chester, don't play liao, this is not funny! Let's go home now!"
"Chester.. got chicken at home! Your favourite! Not funny liao lah, wake up lah!!!"

A mix of english and cantonese, all appealing for you to stop this cruel joke, to jump up again and follow them back home.

You did not respond.

I left the room as I felt my eyes sting and my nose bridge start to burn.

As I walked away to calm down, away from the heart-wrenching cries for your soul to return to your stiffened body, I knew that what I felt in the morning was true.

You knew you were going to die. Somehow you knew, and in the final moments, you wanted to die at home. You were not going to die in some place that you've been lying in for 5 days. You were going to do so, after seeing your entire family for one last time. The family that you've grown up with and watched grow, for the past 14 years. Your little girls have all grown up, and your task was done. They could take care of themselves now and so your mind was at ease. But you still wanted them by your side, and you wanted to go home, so you sat up that morning with every fibrous being in your body and shouted for someone to bring you home.

And when they came, you were happy. You've managed to hold out for so long, time was running out. And the moment you set eyes on the place you grew up in, the moment they set you down in the glorious sun at the front porch, your favourite place, you looked around, and at everyone whom you loved and loved you back, closed your eyes, enjoyed the sun once again for the last time, and waited for your heart to stop.

And death finally struck, on a sunny Sunday afternoon, half an hour later.





Good bye Chester. You've lived well, loved well, and fought well.
Now, rest well.



-

林俊杰 - 不潮不用花錢

turn up the volume and grooveeeeeee~



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And so it has come to pass, my O's will be very over in about 23 hours.

Besides cooking up a storm for 10 people for my birthday, I can't seem to remember anything that has happened before that, after that, or in between the before and after. My memory seems to be only capable of storing mathematical and scientific formulas (which I'm very convinced that I will soon forget the very moment I lay my head down on the pillow for the first time without having to think about when my next paper will be on). I do remember very clearly the crazy days and weeks I had to endure with papers in the mornings, and crash course lessons after till 10 pm at night, and vice versa with one paper even ending at 7 in the evening.

I also remember kicking up a big fuss right after my first paper that almost killed my morale and everyone else around me.

Then I remember some maternal speaking-to which had me picking up the Bible every night, till today.

We are all natural born followers and worshipers. Since the beginning of time, we have always looked for something/someone to worship. In the days of cavemen up till the nights of tribes, Man has always looked to some un-Man-ly figure to worship. We always want something/someone to wish our desires to, pray for rain or good harvests to, and pin the blame on in a death-wailing, chest-beating agony should things not go as expected. So we worship trees, rocks, mountains, waterfalls and everything found in the natural environment (which was all we had back then). Man prayed for rainfall, good harvests, strength, and fertility.

Come modern day, we have found technology, and the camera has found images of God, Satan, Aliens (which coincidentally, all only happen in the U.S. No wonder they are a superior nation; they have seen it all). And we have found a 'proper' being to worship. Gone are the days of worshiping whatever you can find around you, telling wonderful stories of your forefathers around the fire, prophesying to the masses atop a rock. These days, we relate stories, share experiences, hold testament to our gods in a proper synagogue, around the crackling fireplace, and over a Chinese reunion dinner. These days we pray for wealth, good fortune, health, and fertility. Some things never change.

They had no Holy Word to read from back then. They were too busy writing one.
We have our respective books in many languages now. Heck, we are too busy to read one.

To be a homosexual is blasphemous in the eyes of God: true or false?

I come from a mission school, and I have been brought up with the belief that as long as your faith is there, you are still 'allowed' to call out to Him, to seek and find Him, to ask and receive from Him, and to worship Him.

After all, I did not ask to be born this way. He has a design for everything, and a reason for all that He does. Maybe He will accept me being this way, as long as my heart is true towards Him, I don't know.

It may sound weird that I be the one to bring up this topic. But hey,

When I was in sobbing misery, I picked up the Bible for the first time in 10 years. I asked Him aloud, in between chokes and tears, that He may lead me with His word, and speak to me through it.

And guess what?

My first random opening lead me to the very first chapter of Psalms.

It was a prayer on faith and trust. In Him.

And for the rest of the night, it was about more trust, more faith, some courage, and even one about a prayer to take away misery. Every random page I flip to.

He spoke to me.

I may not be an openly preaching and perfect model of a Christian, I'm not even baptized.

But my faith has renewed. And my belief has since grown stronger.

I have never studied for any exam in my life, and I still did positively well in school.

This is the first exam that I actually did work for, though in my opinion, I could have done more.

But I have never prayed as earnest as I did before. Though it does not guarantee good grades, but it has given me peace. Its something that I can't describe properly, but I'm a much calmer person, with a better state of mind. And even if my academic results are not gonna be fantastic, my religious relationship with Him has improved significantly.

I will be a Vet one day. I know I will. But I have come to accept that there may be other paths for me to take before I can reach that goal. So, maybe not today, nor tomorrow, but one day, I will be able to do what I dream of. I will continue to exhaust every mean I can think of to get there. After all, I have to help myself before He can pave the way for me.

And when every way is tried, tested and proven ineffective, will I do my death-wailing, chest-beating and finger-pointing cry to God and ask him why He has forsaken me.

Though I have faith that it will be highly unlikely.

-

Thought you might like an update..

Ever since my birthday, there have been new additions to my marine ecosystem.. let's introduce some residents, old and new!

Crustaceans and invertebrates first.

Blue Dorid (nudibranch): sea slug. nothing practical about it, and very little known about these guys too. All I know are that they are magnificently coloured, and fragile. Don't know if he can survive. We'll just have to see. Maybe he'll become food for the hermit instead *shrug*.


Sand Dollar (enchinoderm): Closly related to the starfish. interesting round shape. Sand sifters, so they move through the substrate to loosen it up, allowing dirty stuff to be filtered away.


Feather Duster (tubeworm): Filter feeders. Depends on the water currents to 'carry' food to its 'fluff'. Food being plankton and nitrides in the water.


Mexican Turbo Snail: Another member of my clean-up crew. Algae eaters, mostly.


Blue Legged Hermit: Electric blue and orange. Nice combination of colours. Detritus eaters.


And the fishies..

Scooter Blenny: yup this is the cute guy close up.


Another shot of Scooter: cute as hell!


Blue Mandarin Goby: more accurately, of the Dragonette family. Close relative of the Scooter, but much more colourful.


Fire Goby: interesting dorsal fin there, ain't it?


False Percula Clownfish: yup, everyone's epitome of marine -- Nemo! Got two of those.


And finally, an overview: Got zome epoxy to stick some rocks together.


Waiting for the tank to stabilize after the new additions. Would love to share my corals with you but I can't seem to google them for pics. Well, a few more weeks and the tank should be stable enough for some more corals and anemones. Gotta come over for "Dinner & Movie Nite" to see them for yourself then!

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= THANK YOU =

Hey Guys,

Just a few words to say a big "thank you" to all who remembered my birthday and flooded me with smses, and the surprises and efforts that went into making it so memorable.

Love the big billboard, nemo, roses, onitsuka shoes, parking coupons, braun buffel wallet and moleskine diary.. Most of all, i loved the company.

It was a good dinner with all my mates. The entire thing was reeking with lots of effort and coordination and I truly appreciate all the thought that went in it.

I'm so touched that I feel molested.

From the bottom of my heart,
"Thank You."

On the wrong side of the mid-20s, still taking O's, and STILL listening to techno,
Shaun

FOR ALL THE GEMINIS IN THE WORLD

PERFECT PICTURE (061008)

The sky looked like a painting
Clouds white against bright blue
It painted a lovely picture
No, a perfect picture of you

You’re just like a picture
Only seen and not be touched
I could fall in love with you
But I could not capture your heart

Many admire your perfection
Even though they don’t know why
You enjoyed the constant attention
Like the ocean embraced the sky

Like oil on canvas, hung up to dry
My love was splashed for all to see
Down it crashed, with the burden of my heart
Your nonchalance tearing right through me

A free spirit you’re meant to be
You are never to be caught
Your charming side, it was to me
A painful lesson taught

But I know not how to repent
I still seek you in my dreams
The lovely, perfect picture in my heart
I could not hold but only see

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